30 day challenge

1. How long have you been self harming? Discuss why you started.
--I have been self harming for almost 8 years. But, it goes farther back than just 8 years....at a young age I had started to hit my head on walls and hit things until I felt severe pain. This was around the ages of 10 and 11.
  I started to self harm mainly because I was curious as to if it could actually help me with overwhelming emotions I had within. And unfortunately it did.

2. What part of your body is most affected by it?
--There is not one part of my body not covered in at least 1 scar. But, mainly my arms and legs have suffered the most. 

3. What is your motivation to recover?
--Myself. I do not want to be like this forever. I have wasted my life away fighting. I want to feel....without the taste of a blade.

4. Do you consider yourself “addicted”? why or why not?
--Yes. 8 years of pulling a blade to my skin....I think it is an addiction. It is a high....

5. What part of self harm do you dislike the most?
--The promises that I make to myself. "I will never do this again." Or "Just one time." The lies that it brings. The shame. The guilt. The disappointment. And mainly the worry from friends and family. As well as the addiction...needing it to feel, or when you feel too much.

6. What about it do you enjoy?
--When people worry...sometimes it makes me feel alive. I enjoy the sensations, because for a moment....it feels as though everything is in your grasp. That the world is not actually spinning that fast. That time itself can slow itself. It makes me forget and subsides flashbacks. I like the high....the peace....and no living nightmares.....

7. list 10 activities that help you calm down.
--Reading and writing.

8. What the most supportive thing anyone has said to you about self harm?
--That we were in this together and he will always be there for me no matter what." And it actually wasn't about the words but, his actions....he has held true to what he says. :) My husband btw lol

9. Have you ever taken pictures of your wounds? Discuss.
--yes. It was a very dark time in my life. I documented the word LOVE carved into my upper arm. 

10. How do you feel about your scars?
--I like my scars. I am terribly sad that most of them are fading. I like to look at them and remind myself of what I have overcome. 

11. Strangest place (school, park, etc) you’ve ever injured yourself?
--In the car.

12. Where do you keep your ‘tools’? (Your room, in a box, disposed of them?)
--I have long since disposed of any nearby utensils. But, when I did I kept them in a first aid kit under my bed. 

13. What is the biggest realization about self harm you’ve had?
--That I am not alone. After hitting 20 I thought that the only people who did this were in their teens....I was soo wrong. I am now 22 and hoping that from this I can get over this isolated thinking.

14. Is there anyone you consider to be an inspiration in your recovery?
--My husband is # 1. Been there for me for almost 5 years now. I do not want to thank the typical people...In all honesty they were part of my problem and actually drove me to do it more....excluding: Pastors, relatives, church members, and other youth leaders who I tried to stay in contact with but, refused to talk more to me. I want to for my best friend...she was there so much for me and my brother and sister. 

15. Do you visit any websites about self harm? If so, what are they?
--sometimes...but mainly recovery websites.

16. What advice would you give to someone about self harm?
--Dont make that first cut. Don't think that this will make what you are going through easier or simpler, it will only complicate matters. Don't think that you can make "only one cut" Or that you can quit anytime you want too...it just wont happen. 

17. Do you know anyone else who injures themselves? 
--yes and no. Several people who I know used too...and a few who still do.

18. Write a letter to the future (recovered) you.
--Dream big and reach for it. 

19. List 5 reasons that recovery is worth it.
--I will be me again and will not let any addiction define me. I will know emotion and be able to handle them. I will have survived the WAR. I will not have to explain to my kids why mommy is scared of herself. I will not be ALONE.

20. What is the most vivid memory you have of self harm.
--One night I didn't eat and I told myself I had to do 150 situps before bed. My anxiety was super high and I failed the situps . I cut myself pretty deep and should have gotten stitches....but, it healed and I now have a super deep scar.

21. Have you tried to stop in the past? What are you doing differently this time?
--yes....many many times. I am not afraid of relapse anymore. If it happens I do not think of myself as a failure...but, a learning lesson. This way of thinking as made me make through 6 months, 7 months, 8, months and possibly more but, you cannot be afraid. 

22. Where do you feel the most calm?
--My bedroom. 

23. What is your favorite inspirational quote?
--I can't just pick one :)

24. What are some of your main triggers? Why?
--People screaming at each other, A room full of people, A child being spanked, I have a hard time with people being in pain, and people being disappointed.  I would rather not go into detail.

25. Do you know any statistics about self harm?
--I think /i do. 1 in 300 girls self harm. and I think it was like 10-15% of males self harm.

26. What is something that makes you the most happy?
--My hubby. When we hug and create a bond that no matter what happens we will have each other 

27. Discuss any and all progress you have made.
--Well, I do not think about it all of the time...it used to be pretty much every time I made any kind of mistake I would feel the need to self harm. I only feel I need it when I am out of control or in times of very high stress. 

28. What short-term goals do you have?
--We would like to be parents. We are looking for a house to buy. Also looking for a new job. I also would like to quit self harming...turning my old thinking into something wonderful. 

29. Do you follow any self-harm blogs?
--I do but not on a regular basis. 

30. Post your favorite picture of yourself and write a positive message to look back on.
--I would rather not post a picture but, a positive message would be. NEVER GIVE UP.

And thus ends this 30 day challenge that I completed in...oh....2 days. Thanks for reading!

30 day challenge

So, there is a 30 day challenge I am interested in that I will be doing...

Here are the questions:

30 day self harm challenge
1. How long have you been self harming? Discuss why you started.
2. What part of your body is most affected by it?
3. What is your motivation to recover?
4. Do you consider yourself “addicted”? why or why not?
5. What part of self harm do you dislike the most?
6. What about it do you enjoy?
7. list 10 activities that help you calm down.
8. What the most supportive thing anyone has said to you about self harm?
9. Have you ever taken pictures of your wounds? Discuss.
10. How do you feel about your scars?
11. Strangest place (school, park, etc) you’ve ever injured yourself?
12. Where do you keep your ‘tools’? (Your room, in a box, disposed of them?)
13. What is the biggest realization about self harm you’ve had?
14. Is there anyone you consider to be an inspiration in your recovery?
15. Do you visit any websites about self harm? If so, what are they?
16. What advice would you give to someone about self harm?
17. Do you know anyone else who injures themselves? 
18. Write a letter to the future (recovered) you.
19. List 5 reasons that recovery is worth it.
20. What is the most vivid memory you have of self harm.
21. Have you tried to stop in the past? What are you doing differently this time?
22. Where do you feel the most calm?
23. What is your favorite inspirational quote?
24. What are some of your main triggers? Why?
25. Do you know any statistics about self harm?
26. What is something that makes you the most happy?
27. Discuss any and all progress you have made.
28. What short-term goals do you have?
29. Do you follow any self-harm blogs?
30. Post your favorite picture of yourself and write a positive message to look back on.

I think I ca answer alot of these in one day but, I will see how many I can get through first. Also, if you do not like me talking about this subject please by all means dont read.