The beginning part 1

I was born a baby. Into the arms of a loving mommy and daddy. I was a happy baby, bubbly, easily excited.
  Up until age 2, I loved swimming had many camping trips, even fishing! I loved grandma, grandpa and my uncles and generally everyone. My mom even let me experience the fireworks when I was but, a baby.
    My brother was born the year I turned 3. My parents, it seemed in my 3 year old mind, were abandoning me to be with him. I grew very jealous. But, after he started to situp and babble, he was a playmate. He was okay! We started watching movies together, and playing.
      But being bigger and older i had quite a temper and little patience. I pushed him down, fought, and was really bossy but that was typical sibling stuff. Right around this time my parents marriage had taken quite a toll and they had started fighting. This continued off and on for a good 2 years.
     As I recall they were petty fights as well. Nothing spectacular, or least thats what i though up until age 5 that is.As unusual as it was my mother started most of the fights and was very abusive towards my father. The fights started to escalate to throwing things, fists, horrible words and lots of screaming...I still try to block it out.
     During those times I mostly recall protecting my brother by covering his ears and playing with him until it stopped. We hid in his room, upstairs or under tables petting our cat.
      The marriage turned even worse as my mother had been corresponding with a guy in another state, and left us for several months. My, dad being unfit, my brother being still very young, I did alot of work helping and taking care of my brother. I thought maybe i had done something wrong, that thats why she left.
   When she came back after it did not work out, my mother got a seperation from my father. At the age 5-8 we lived alot with my grandparents. My mother, brother, me, and grandma and grandpa. And lots of babysitters.
    Around the first grade age I started becoming an introvert or more appropriate very shy. I was real excited about school as i had an escape from home. And to meet kids my age, to play and such!
   The first day of school was one of the most fun i had had in ages! I loved school at that age.
First grade came and went.
Then came second. I had a learning disability but, they refused to test me. Meaning that i was behind all of the other students. My mother having had very little patience and very little understanding of me to that point, started screaming at me, pulling my hair, and other verbal abuses up til that point.
   

The almost beginning

  I have been married for almost 2 months now! Some of the best months of my life! My husband has been so great to me! I don't know where I would be without him.....no...I do. Everything happens for a reason. As      
    I have been told and I believe. And when people ask "Oh how did you and your husband meet?" Do I say that i was about to give up on life?

     That if someone did not email me back that i had a plan to kill myself? How in the world do you tell people that story? And what do you say if they continue and ask you why you were suicidal? Maybe if i just keep it at "he saved me." And that's all. 

       I sense you asking why I was suicidal. Or maybe you don't care. But, you know I'm going to rant and it will be long and boring. Cause well, i have to start in the beginning. I guess here goes my testimony.